we have officially mastered the walk of shame
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
