discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
