paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
