holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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