i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
