Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
