I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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