I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
