i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
