Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
