Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
