So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
