Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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