He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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