So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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