I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
