one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
