I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize