I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Randomize
