Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
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Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
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those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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