i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
