come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
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It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
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You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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