i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
