How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
