Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
You're a waste of cheezeits
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
