Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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