Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
