I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
