First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
