well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
