i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
