She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
