..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
