you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
