She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I deserve this hangover.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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