I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
The maid of honor just puked.
You can't motorboat a personality
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
How does one acquire holy water?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
