I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
