A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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