Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Randomize
