Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
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