I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Randomize
