btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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