I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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