A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
