On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
