It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
