You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
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There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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