I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
