I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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