I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
