Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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