I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
