That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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