Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
