don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
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I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
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I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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