i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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