His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
