I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Randomize
