She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
