Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
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Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
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still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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