I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
