Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
