Already got asked if we're dating
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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