you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
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