I love black thongs
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
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