I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
did you just send me my own nude
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
