on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
