So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
