I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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