some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
