So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
