he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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