either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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