We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
