I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize