This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Randomize
