oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
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