The beer is more important than you right now.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
