The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
