you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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